DEAR SIR OR MADAM, I AM IN NEED OF YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE IN DEPOSITING A SUM OF SIXTY FOUR MILLION DOLLARS….
His Excellency Field Marshal For Life Secretary Al Haji Naira Mugu No Wahala, CBE.
Dearest readers, I am sure you recieve many an unusual message in your inbox, a plaintive request for help (perhaps some feduciary enrichment?) in a plea from a most important Nigerian official highly placed in the government who needs your assistance with that trifling matter of transferring his hoarded wealth overseas.
Well, HE Al Haji Naira Mugu No Wahala is here to promise you that you will be recieving these meddlesome requests no longer, thanks to recent news from Abuja reporting that Nigeria’s recently (re)-elected president/general, Muhamudu Buhari, a general no-nonsense chap, has passed a deadline for the requirement of all Nigerian government ministries to fund their operations through a single bank account monitored by the Central Bank of Nigeria.
It is through this sensible and concrete measure of law and order that those problematic troublemaking fellow civil servants will no longer be able to “chop your dollar” via corruption and related financial fraud (normally referred to by its code number in Nigerian law, 419).
Buhari, once a dictator and the founder of the ideology of Buharism, who overthrew the Nigerian government in 1983 and ruled with an iron grasp that is fondly remembered by some for it’s “back to basics” approach to law and order (forcing civil servants to do exercise routines when they were late, executions for drug trafficking) until 1985, was recently elected president once again in Nigeria, this time in an actual election.
Reporting on the massive economic losses to corruption based in the civil services, President Buhari has claimed that Nigeria has “lost over 150 billion US dollars in the past 10 years”. This was presumably made easier by the fact that “the government had no idea how many bank accounts existed for each government department”.
Nigerians can rest easy knowing that there is a single answer for that question: 1.
This will no doubt cause hard times for FE Al Haji Naira Mugu No Wahala and his many friends, but it appears “Baba Go Slow” Buhari is here to stay.
(Source: http://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-34256900)